Couple therapist and neurobiology expert Stan Tatkin talks with us about how couples work.


We were very fortunate to catch up with Stan Tatkin today and talk about some of the features of his neurobiological understanding of couples.

Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, is a clinician, teacher, and developer of A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy® (PACT). He has a clinical practice in Calabasas, CA, where he has specialized for the last 15 years in working with couples and individuals who wish to be in relationships. He and his wife, Tracey Boldemann-Tatkin, developed the PACT Institute for the purpose of training other psychotherapists to use this method in their clinical practice.

You can find out more about Stan from his website stantatkin.com


We Do : Saying Yes to a Relationship of Depth, True Connection, and Enduring Love

 

“If you and your prospective partner adopt the principles and skills I describe here, your relationship will be successful–not just for starters, but for the long run.”

An indispensable guide for any couple ready to set the foundation for a loving and lasting union

 

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Committing fully to a loving partnership–a “we”–can be one of the most beautiful and fulfilling experiences you’ll ever have. Yet as anyone in a long-term relationship will tell you, it can also be one of the most challenging. Almost half of all first marriages end in divorce, and chances go down from there. So how do you beat the odds?

“All successful long-term relationships are secure relationships,” writes psychotherapist Stan Tatkin. “You and your partner take care of each other in a way that ensures you both feel safe, protected, accepted, and secure at all times.”

In We Do, Tatkin provides a groundbreaking guide for couples. You’ll figure out whether you and your partner are right for each other in the long term, and if so, give your relationship a strong foundation so you can enjoy a secure and lasting love. Highlights include:

Create a shared vision for your relationship, the key to a strong foundationIt’s all about prevention–learn tools and techniques for preventing problems before they occurUnderstand how to work with the psychological and biological influences in your relationship–neuroscience, arousal regulation, attachment theory, and moreNumerous case studies with helpful examples of healthy and unhealthy interactions, sample dialogues, and reflectionsDozens of exercises–the newlywed game, reading facial expressions, and many more fun and serious practices to develop intimacy and securityHandling conflict–how to broker win-win outcomesBuild a loving relationship that helps you thrive and grow as both individuals and a couple

Common interests, physical attraction, shared values, and good communication skills are the factors most commonly thought to indicate a good partnership. Yet surprisingly, current research reveals that these are only a small part of what makes for a healthy marriage–much more important are psychological and biological influences. With We Do, you’ll learn to navigate these elements and more, giving your relationship the best possible chance to succeed.

 


Wired for Love :

How Understanding Your Partner’s Brain Can Help You Defuse Conflicts and Spark Intimacy

 

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“What the heck is my partner thinking?” is a common refrain in romantic relationships, and with good reason. Every person is wired for love differently, with different habits, needs, and reactions to conflict. The good news is that most people’s minds work in predictable ways and respond well to security, attachment, and rituals, making it possible to actually neurologically prime the brain for greater love and fewer conflicts.

Wired for Love is a complete insider’s guide to understanding a partner’s brain and promoting love and trust within a romantic relationship. Readers learn ten scientific principles they can use to avoid triggering fear and panic in their partners, manage their partners’ emotional reactions when they do become upset, and recognize when the brain’s threat response is hindering their ability to act in a loving way.

By learning to use simple gestures and words, readers can learn to put out emotional fires and help their partners feel more safe and secure. The no-fault view of conflict in this book encourages readers to move past a “warring brain” mentality and toward a more cooperative “loving brain” understanding of the relationship. Based in the sound science of neurobiology, attachment theory, and emotion regulation research, this book is essential reading for couples and others interested in understanding the complex dynamics at work behind love and trust in intimate relationships.

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